This is the second letter in my “Through the Lens” series — written for the photographer in the quiet middle, where mastery meets doubt.
you can find my first post “a love letter to new photographers” by clicking here.

The illusion of arrival

In 2022 my business was at an all time high. I vividly remember sitting in my old office space, and would write the names of couples I booked onto sticky notes, and would place them on my wall. A visual representation of the couples who trusted me enough to work with me. It was truly an honor. The more names I stuck up there, the more I thought to myself “I’m successful!”

I thought I had made it as a photographer.

But it just wasn’t enough for me, or that is what I used to believe. I remember getting my first international destination wedding, only for it to end up being canceled. I was devastated. All I wanted was to be able to become a destination wedding photographer, i never really thought much about why just that i believed it was a goal.

So when that goal wasn’t attainable for me, I felt like I needed to work harder. I attended workshops, I did creative sessions, I used the hashtags – and still nothing.

I kept wondering what I was doing wrong.

When Life Interrupts Your Hustle

It wasn’t until after I had two pregnancy losses that my inner world was crumbling and I was questioning a lot about myself. Inside these hard and challenging times I was able to understand that where I was going in my business, wasn’t what I thought.

Becoming a destination wedding photographer, truthfully, wasn't something I would’ve enjoyed.

Not when all I wanted was to build a house on some land, and have another baby. The idea of taking maternity leave as a wedding photographer really stressed me out. And honestly I think part of the reason we waited so long to even consider another baby was because my business was doing so well.

When Growth Changes Your Art

Between the years of 2022-2023 my business was at an all time high, I made the most money I ever made, and I attribute a lot of my bookings to word of mouth referrals. But as time went on I slowly started discovering what my style was, that it leaned more towards editorial with a mix of documentary. Alongside my editing style, it transformed into what it looks like today. Naturally I started losing clients, they didn’t keep coming back.

While photography is a luxury experience, I always recognized that my prices needed to reflect the amount of time and energy I was putting into my business. Around this time I was also getting lots of questions from new photographers on advice on where to begin, how to price – things of this nature. It was humbling that people were reaching out so I started to develop guides, and pdf’s here and there but never quite taking them seriously.

My job started to feel like something I had to do, vs something I wanted to do for a short amount of time. My biggest revelation of late was discovering that I was more than just a photographer. I started searching for the meaning I had in what I did, and why it felt harder for me at times.

Something in me began to subtly shift. My style was evolving, my approach shifting. My art deepened, and my clientele shifted, too. At first I thought I was doing something wrong, I needed to do more!

Now I know I was always being led to realignment, quiet redirection. Growth often asks us to release what we cling onto, to make room for what is meant for us.

I believe that your art is an extension and expression of self. Of your inner world. It’s the way in which you decide to tell stories, based on your own perception and experiences. Lull’s in creativity are meant to give us space to ebb and flow into the creative process.

Artistry itself is not a linear nor one size fits all process.

This acceptance, this acknowledgement of myself as an artist and not just a photographer was a pivotal moment in my career.

I kept believing that my success was based purely off the numerics of it all. The amount of bookings I'd have each month, the amount of money I'd make each month. While it’s important that I am able to provide financially – deep down I couldn't keep taking work that didn’t align with self purely for the money. That went against my integrity, I wanted to work with people because they enjoyed my work and found similar values.

In 2023 I worked at a wedding that I now know I probably should have said no to. The couple didn’t like their engagement photos, and we had some stylistic differences. Moving forward I should have mentioned that maybe I wasn't the photographer for them. The day of the wedding I had walls up because I kept feeling like the bride wasn’t going to like anything that I did.

Now looking back, it was evident to me that people were starting to book me just because they knew me, not because of my art itself.

That combined with extreme life changes (building a home, consecutive pregnancy losses) led me to slowing down in my business.

Reflecting on the past few years, I can see how much I tied my identity and sense of worth to my business. I believed that becoming a destination wedding photographer was always the next logical step. Not because it was something I really desired, but because I thought I should.

You Are More Than Your Craft

Maintaining the flow

So when things are going really good, what do you do? Keep riding the high of the highest of highs in your business. But also recognize it will ebb, just as all things flow. There will be seasons of great success, and seasons of slowness.

But what you must do when things stop flowing in the direction of your desires, you must ask yourself what is it you really want? Because it’s easy to get lost in the noise of what others are doing, or finding that you’re doing things because you think you should.

I thought accepting every wedding inquiry meant I was successful. Even if I was nothing against the couple themselves, and maybe their style was just not aligned.

Accepting the ebbs

Do not negate your past successes when things start to ebb. As a photographer, there are literal seasons of ebb and flow. Most of us are super slow in the winter, and this is a time to regroup, and recalibrate. Most winter seasons i would update my backend operations, clean up files, and ensure my client management system was up to date.

And maybe things slow down entirely, that is okay too. Accept what is, and it’s okay to feel upset or sadness. Know that what is meant for you will always find it’s way to you.

Every no that i’ve received form potential clients was a reminder that there was another opportunity waiting for me.

Our work as artists are extensions of our inner world – a mirror of values, emotions, experiences.

When my inner world feels chaotic and depleted, my energy mirrors that. Lulls are not failures, they are invitations for us to breathe, pause and realign.

Recognizing when to say yes and no

This is something that I think any business owner might experience, recognizing when we should have said no when we said yes, or vice versa.

Start to navigate through your own internal compass (values, and beliefs) and instill that intuition within your business. Learning to stick to no’s and not overcompensating when you feel like it is what you “should do”, because you make up the rules.

If it feels like a hell yeah, do it. If it feels like a hell no, don’t.

What is success?

What the hell is success anyways? We are all fed these narratives that we should be successful in life. And most of the time were tying this definition to accolades, numbers and titles. When really i think we should redefine success by means of how we want to feel.

Say you become successful and you have the biggest year ever, in terms of money. You made the most money you’ve ever made – but what if making all that money didn’t bring you any joy, what if you became extremely burnout while doing it. Of course making the most money you ever had is something to be proud of, adn to celebrate over. But what after that? What if you don’t consistently make this kind of money each year? How willyou feel?

My point is that success is a bullshit narrative.

We should navigate based on how we are feeling in our season of life.

Success is not the end all be all. Our businesses are living breathing extensions of ourselves – maybe we should be asking ourselves, how is this fulfilling me? How am i breathing life into this and vice versa?

Money is a tool. Success is a feeling.

To me success is how i feel connected to my purpose. How aligned i feel in my work, and how much presence i can bring to my life outside of it.

I’ve learned to replace expectations with honesty.

There is a place for you in photography—one that honors your vision, your passion, and the story only you can tell. “Through the Lens” isn’t a list of camera settings or step-by-step business rules. It’s a PDF guide filled with my own insights, experiences, and reflections—crafted to help you get to the root of your journey as a photographer.

Within these pages, you’ll explore mindset, creative expression, and how to build a business that aligns with your values and your self. If you feel the calling to begin this journey, I invite you to download “Through the Lens” and start discovering your own way to create, connect, and capture with intention.

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